Agony Aunt Request

Guide to Being a Scottish Bride had the following request sent through by email by a very lovely lass in Dunfermline.

"I was wondering if Guide to Being a Scottish Bride had a sorta ‘agony aunt’ feature? And if it does I wanted to put forward my problem for some help and advice.
Recently I’ve been feeling less excited about our wedding, things don’t seem fun anymore and all we seem to talk about is weddings. I’m getting scared that once the wedding has passed we’re going to have nothing to talk about and worse still it feels like family are only interested in anything we have to say because the wedding is an excuse to party!

Can you suggest anything to help?

Thanks
Andrea, Dunfermline"


Firstly I would like to say thanks for getting in touch Andrea. We had not previously thought about having an "agony aunt" feature on GTBSB, but it's a fantastic idea! Thanks for that.

More importantly, on to your dilemma and seeing if we can come up with a "cure". You've not said how long it is until your wedding, but for the sake of conversation we will assume it's soon. Personally I think it's best to take time away from wedding planning, we tend to take atleast 1 night a week off from weddings (all wedding talk is banned - it incurs a fine of £5 if the "w" word is menioned!) but we also try to have a date night once a month to remind us what makes our relationship special and to have dedicated "us" time.

I think it's important to remember why you're getting married, and to ignore the people around you that are providing no help at all. Are there specific people in your families that are causing you heartache? Would it be possible to say to them how you feel?

As for after the wedding, you will have so much to talk about. You have all the photos, a video if you're having one, you can think about your first anniversary and of course remember why you got married - because you want to spend the rest of your life with the person that you love. Often the date night idea can be a great feature to carry through into your married life.

I hope that helps you Andrea, and please stay in touch. We're a real nosy bunch here at GTBSB and would love to hear from you again!!

Take care
xx

Kilt Outfits

Scottish men often opt for the traditional look when it comes to weddings, be they the groom, best man or a guest.

Those interested in the history of the kilt can find many sources online and in print giving timelines and details of how the kilt came into being, but suffice to say that it’s been around for a fairly long time, dating back to at least the 17th Century.


Whether hiring or buying a kilt outfit, the options are vast. Picking a tartan can often be the most troublesome aspect. The bride will have picked out a colour scheme, but does the Groom’s family tartan compliment the colour scheme or does it clash?
One of the other difficulties is if the Groom comes from a traditionally Scottish family, does he have a kilt in the tartan of his mother’s family name or his father’s?
There is some speculation that the Groom should wear the tartan of his mother’s family so in our case, my fiancée has a kilt in Lindsay tartan instead of Macintosh (Noble).

There are different jackets for different looks of kilt outfits; the casual look is best with a Crail Jacket, or Argyll Jacket, whereas the Bonnie Prince Charlie Jacket is deemed to be the traditional choice for formal events.
Typically with the Bonnie Prince Charlie Jacket a 3-button waistcoat is worn, with a bow tie, or dicky bow. However it is now becoming more popular to wear a 5-button waistcoat with a cravat or ruched tie.





When’s a Scotsman not a true Scotsman, when he’s got something on under his kilt, and as the Bride you’ve every right to have a wee peek to check!



No kilt outfit is complete with out a sporran, kilt socks and a sgian dubh.

Fear not, kilts are available for all the men in your life, even the little ones!!



Pictures reproduced with kind permission of Jac at Little Tiger Creations and also to David Kane at David Kane Photography

The Importance of Scent

Have you ever smelled a fragrance and instantly lots of memories come flooding through? Well research has shown that scent is the most effective trigger for memories and emotions. This is something that has been overlooked during the wedding planning process for a long time but fragrance is becoming an increasingly important detail with scented invitations fast becoming ‘the next big thing.’ The hope being that the pleasant scent will remind you of their invitation and ultimately their wedding day for years to come.

There are so many different ways to ‘scent’ your stationery but it should always be kept in mind that some people may be allergic or will simply dislike some scents so subtlety is quite important as you do not want to 'overpower' your intended guest.

The most common way to ‘scent’ an invitation is to use a scented spray, spraying it directly over the invitation itself. This method should always be tested on a sample invitation first as it can leave unsightly marks on certain papers. Also, the spray should be ‘misted’ over the invitation rather than sprayed directly on to avoid too strong a scent.

A more effective way, which may be more suitable if you do not know if your guests suffer from any conditions, which may be triggered by perfumes, is to use scented oil. This can be applied to the inside of the envelope using a cotton ball; this allows the invitation to absorb the scent from the envelope rather than from direct exposure. A much more subtle scent is achieved.

Why not coordinate your scent with your wedding theme? If you are having roses in your bouquet you could place scented, dried rose petals within the invitation (again this should be tested on a sample as some petals may mark certain papers) or, if you are having a Scottish theme, a little dried heather. Dried lavender is also an incredibly popular choice.



Another way of coordinating the scent with your wedding would be to choose a perfume or oil that directly relates to where you are being wed e.g. apple for in an orchard or for a spring wedding, orange for a Hallowe’en wedding, cinnamon for a Christmas wedding.

Maybe aromatherapy is more appealing to you, invoking emotions and feelings that you would like people to associate with your big day? Rose, Jasmine and Ylang Ylang are considered aphrodisiacs whilst Heather and Sandalwood are considered to create a feeling of calm and well-being. When it comes to aromatherapy, Google really is your friend as there are so many options available.



If the scent memory trigger is something you wish to include into your wedding day theme it is incredibly easy. Fresh flowers are of course the most popular and easiest method of doing this but fragranced candles are becoming more and more popular. You can also choose scented favours such as bath salts, bath bombs and candles. Again with both flowers and candles, you should be aware of any allergies that guests may have. Also candles should be kept well out of the reach of little fingers.



(written by Jac at Little Tiger Creations for Guide to Being a Scottish Bride)

Stationery (part 2)

And so to continue, we've covered a few of the pieces of stationery you might need for your wedding, now let's review the others you may want.

* Order of Service cards - these are rather useful no matter what type of ceremony you're having. For a religious ceremony you can include the hymns, readings and any other information relating to the ceremony. For a civil ceremony you can detail the readings and any music you might be having for the ceremony.

For our wedding I decided to try and make these myself, so with advice from Jac at LTC I bought little bits and pieces (card, vellum, leaves for decoration and squares of cards) and gave it a go. I have to admit it was scary at the time, but thanks to Jac they've come out great!

* Photo Upload cards - these are a relatively new category of stationery. Basically they're little business cards or notes that you can have made up to put on the tables at the wedding reception to ask people taking any digital photography to upload the pictures on to a special Photobucket account, or other website. (Just make sure the cards have the weblink and any required password noted on them!!)

* Table plan and Place cards - Clue is in the name on this one! If you are having a formal wedding banquet then a table plan and place cards are a great idea. You can decide where to seat everyone to make things easier for the caterers (in case you have any one who has a special menu - vegetarians etc). It's also nice to try and "mix" both sets of families up so that they can get to know each other.

* Thank You cards - self explanatory really but an absolute must. These really are essential for any bride and groom to buy/order/make etc. It's polite to thank people for presents and for being generous on your special day, but I leave it up to you to decide whether or not you thank people for attending the event as well as those who gave gifts or whether you just thank those for their gifts.

Gift Lists

We dread them, we hate them and worst of all a lot of us end up having one!

I always said that I didn't want to have a gift list for our wedding, but because we live together it makes sense to make a list of little bits and pieces that people could get us if they wished to avoid the sterotypical 3 toasters, 2 kettles and 12 sets of towels (mind none of that goes wrong).

So lets consider the options of gift lists, you get the traditional store lists in the likes of John Lewis, Debenhams etc but you can also have then in the likes of Argos - it really depends on the budget that you're working with.

You can request "gifts" or contributions to your honeymoon on some lists, as well as making a charity gift list where instead of buying you a gift friends and family can buy things like a goat for an African community etc

Once you've decided to set up a list, you have to consider what to put on it, for us this has been the hardest thing. We couldn't decide what to ask for, then once we decided we didn't want to have anything too pricey to avoid family thinking we were being cheeky.

So far our lists comprises of both necessary items and silly items:
* various plates and bowls from the dinner set we got as an engagement gift
* wine glasses
* vases (that way he's got no excuse not to buy me flowers!)
* bedding (it never goes wrong)
* pans
* posh cutlery
* table cloth and napkins
* place mats and coasters
* towels
* coffee machine
* toaster
* photo frames
* a bathroom set (soap dispenser, toothbrush holder etc)
* mixing bowl and kitchen scales
* a rolling pin and various baking trays and tins
* chopping board, cookbook stand, chopsticks and a knife set
* a wine rack
* an ice cream maker
* cookbook

See you can list various things, some of ours are things that we think we might 'put past' for future use ie the table linen as we don't have a diningroom table at the moment. There are things that are purely silly on there like the rainbow chopsticks and corkscrew, tin opener and bottle stoppers but adding little bits like that shows people that we're being light hearted about it.

We've also made sure that we said to people not to feel obliged to buy anthing at all from the gift list, we're more than happy for a £10 gift voucher or if they want to buy a similar present from elsewhere, but if they do would they try to stick to the colour etc we have asked for ie can we have stone coloured towels/white bathroom set etc etc

Gift lists are notoriously difficult and depending on how your family are likely to react to it, they can be an absolute nightmare. I've recently seen a list with very extravagent things listed, 50 inch LCD tvs, Le Creuset pans at £56 each, a washing machine....in all honesty I looked at it and laughed! There's no way I'd be buying something off that list, but at the same time for some people looking at it they may think those are legitimate, regular things to ask for......it just depends on your family and remember that sometimes people will "club" together to buy things - in our case it's more than likely that aunts and uncles will buy pieces from the dinner set we want together rather than each set buying their individual presents.

It's worth having a think about what you would really like and appreciate as a wedding present. Why not have a think and make up a list of things you might want, like bedding, towels, a dinner set, a fancy pan, a food processor....etc and then see where you think might offer the best service. Look out for places that offer free delivery, otherwise your guests could find a delivery charge being added on to the price of their gift.

And don't forget to send thank you cards for all the presents, donations and gift vouchers!!!

Honeymoons

It's the bit that you look most forward to after the wedding because it's your down time and you get to relax. But 'honeymoon hunting' can be quite stressful for some couples. The best advice I can give is to make a list of the places you both would like to see and things you would both like to do. For instance say you fancy an adventure holiday, but the other half would prefer to relax in the sun...why not consider a cruise? That way you get adventure on onshore excursions and the other half can sun themselves on the days at sea.

If however you're like us and have no idea where you'd really like to go then go and speak with your travel agent for some ideas. We found that because we're getting married in April and having the honeymoon just after the wedding we were limited to where we could go and what we could do because it's just at the end of the winter holidays and just before the summer ones begin so in our case a cruise was the prefect option and to make sure we cover all the destinations we both want to see we're taking a 14 night cruise round the Med.

It's best to consider if you want to travel straight after the wedding in your married name or not. Because in Scotland the laws are different from the rest of the UK, you need to apply to the passport agency in advance using your married name and fill in a special form that states you would like your passport post dated and you must get this signed by the celebrant conducting the ceremony.

Flowers, rings and all that jazz

There are so many things you need to think about when you're planning a wedding. The dress is one of the most important parts, but once you've decided on which one to have you need to think about what shoes compliment the style of dress, what flowers will go with your theme and if they are in season, what jewellery will look best...and on and on and on!!
There are so many magazines and websites out there designed to help, but in all honesty some of them just bombard you with ideas, scrapbooks are the way forward, or even a mood board. They help so much and it's often helpful to put ideas together and see if they "fit" Below is a copy of mine, it helped to stick the colours and ideas together to get a feel for things.

To Do List

Right as a basic starting point this is the sort of to do list that I worked from:

1. Groom (pick one!)
2. Pick a date
3. Pick a ceremony type
4. Pick venue
5. Pick attendants (bridesmaids, best man etc)
5. Draw up a rough guest list so you have an idea of numbers
6. Think about colours/themes/ideas
7. Keep a scrapbook for dress ideas/reception ideas/general ideas
8. Research photographers
9. Research videographers if you want one
10. Think about dresses - use your scrapbook for ideas of that you like in a dress and take that with you for trying on dresses.
11. Make bookings
12. Research wedding cars
13. Look into stationery
14. Start thinking about favours and thank you gifts for important people
15. Pick readings for ceremony (and music if applicable)
16. Wedding cake!!
17. Organise the groom - what's he going to wear?
18. Pick a menu for the wedding banquet
19. Research wedding make up and hair
20. Make sure you have all the relevant paperwork in order!!

That's just a rough guide, there are no doubt things missed off, but as you go along you end up adding extras to the list, merging bits together and then taking things off the list when you change your mind!!

Steps to being a "Super Bride"

As we all know planning a wedding can be a costly business! As soon as you mention the "wedding" word, prices seem to skyrocket and suddenly you're thinking it might be better to elope.
There are so many ways to save money when planning your wedding, for instance you could buy a dress from the High Street from the likes of Littlewoods, Marks & Spencer, Monsoon? They sell some really pretty dresses and at a fraction of the price of bridal shops they are a steal! Failing that when you're dress shopping tell the assistants in the bridal shop your budget and that way they will point out dresses that you can afford and steer you away from the ones that will break the bank.

Other ways to save are to hunt around for bargains, eBay will soon become a favourite for many brides to be. You'd be amazed at the things you will find on there! So far I've managed to get all the favours, favour boxes, thank you gifts, cuff links for the attendants and many other things from shops on eBay and at very good prices. So long as you're not afraid of hard work this route might be for you!

Often a lot of brides to be want to make their own stationery, which for those who are creative and not in any way artistically challenged, it's a great way to save money. Again EBay will have the bits and bobs you need, failing that there are many websites out there with everything you will need. But if like me you want something professional looking then there are a variety of shops, sites etc to buy stationery from or you can have it custom designed for you to suit your theme. Some of the stationery and gifts for our wedding is coming from www.littletigercreations.com which is run by a close friend of mine. She has been great and helped me work out what I wanted from my stationery and made my ramblings turn into an actual creation.

For the cars, do you know anyone with a "posh" car? Does your uncle drive a Rolls Royce? Can you sweet talk him into taking you to the church/hotel? Failing that ask the car companies if they offer any discount for booking more than one car, or if they would give you discount if you are only needing the car for a short time? It's worth asking, you never know you might get £50 off the price and at the end of the day wouldn't you rather the £50 in your pocket?!

What to do & when to do it!

Technically there is no correct answer to this, you can do whatever you like in any order if you so wish, but I would recommend taking a logical approach to planning your wedding.

To begin with we sat down and decided what we wanted:
* Civil or Religious - Civil
* Big or small - since we have very little family it's a small affair
* Budget - realistically how much would we be thinking we should spend?
* When - We opted for April 2010 (originally we wanted the 10th, but someone else had booked the hotel that day!!)
* What style of wedding - this was primarily my area, bless him but my other half has no idea and lets face it I don't think I would have trusted him.
*Guest list - List A, then list B and then anyone else we could think of lol
* Attendants - Who do you want as bridesmaids, best man, flower girl, pageboy?

Once some of that is out of the way you are well on your way to planning your wedding. The trick is to keep a list or even a notebook of ideas that you can look over and discuss with your other half.

And girls, note that sometimes your other half might just say "uh huh/whatever you think/ you decide...etc etc" it's not that they aren't interested, it's that you are often more excited about the day than they are. To them it doesn't need to have ice sculptures and a dove release, all that matters to them is that they are marrying the woman they love, whereas we girls want EVERYTHING to be perfect and do not in any circumstances want to give our future mother in law anything to moan about!!

I would advise booking your venue and registrar/minister as soon as you can to avoid disappointment. When we booked ours it was roughly a year and a half till the wedding (maybe more I just can't count!) and there were so many things booked already!

There's nothing to stop you asking for quotes with over a year or more till your wedding, just explain that you are merely making inquiries as you are working out your budget and would like a rough figure to work from. But do remember that prices are likely to rise year to year so things may not be the exact price you were quoted 9 months previously.

I'll make up a short what to do and when to do it list and stick it up here to act as a guide to work from, just remember that no one list is perfect or right, there are so many out there and they are only what one person feels is the best for them. You should do what you want to when you want to, so if that means you want to be like me and well organised then good on you it will save you stress and aggravation closer to the wedding. However if you prefer to wait till later to start your planning there is nothing wrong with that, everyone is different.

The Technical Stuff

A wedding ceremony in Scotland requires you to lodge your Marriage Notice forms (or M10s) with the Registrar for that district 3 months before the wedding. You will also need to lodge a separate sheet with additional information - ie the names of your witnesses and their addresses etc. A lot of this information can be found on the Registrar's website. In our case it's the Aberdeenshire Registrar that will be marrying us likewise you can just abuse good ol' Google for this information.

Another good place to look for the technical bits is the General Register Office for Scotland (GROS) where you will be able to download the M10s and read EVERYTHING about marrying in Scotland - both civil ceremonies and religions ceremonies.

Don't forget to check if your venue has a license for a civil ceremony, or is approved. Thankfully ours is so that's one less thing for us to worry about!!

So you're engaged

Congratulations on your engagement! One of the most exciting and thrilling moments for any couple, and even more exciting is the build up to the wedding. But at the same time, it’s possible one of the scariest moments you will ever face – suddenly you’re a fully-fledged grown up!

We got engaged in the February and by the August we’d set the date, booked the wedding venue, made a rough guest list and set our budget. Not bad for randomly making plans eh?

The one mistake I made was to buy all the wedding magazines I could get my hands on and slowly got so confused and bamboozled by all the information and ideas that were in there.

The first thing you need to bear in mind is that if you are getting married in Scotland, the rules are different from those for England and so a lot of the information you read in magazines will often not apply.

Introduction

Well where better to begin but at the start, so here goes. I'm Kate, 22 and getting married on 9th April 2010 in Aberdeen.

The main purpose of this blog is really to provide an idea for brides to be out there (and grooms) who are finding wedding planning a little daunting and could use some Scottish help since a lot of publications are written by an English magazine/website and aimed at an English audience.

Hope there's something of use for you all in here!

Best wishes
Kate